I Need You
by ilovecastiel18
Summary: Cas walks into the bunker to find Dean seizing on the floor of the library. He and Sam save him, but it affects Cas in a way that he has never experienced before. And he needs Dean to save him. Hurt/comfort, angst, family. Destiel, but nothing explicit. Rated T for language and some graphic content (Dean's seizure).
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural, its plotlines, and its characters are all property of the CW and the show's writers. I probably wouldn't be worth only $7 and a bottle of pop if I was actually involved with the show, so it's really not worth the effort to sue me, even if I would love to actually meet Misha Collins.

 **Summary:** Cas walks into the bunker to find Dean seizing on the floor of the library. He and Sam save him, but it affects Cas in a way that he has never experienced before. And he needs Dean to save him. Hurt/comfort, angst, family. Destiel, but nothing explicit. Rated T for language and some graphic content (Dean's seizure).

….

I Need You

Chapter 1

….

Cas opened the door of the bunker and walked in without knocking, turning around to latch it behind him. He hadn't been to see Sam and Dean in a while, and he was happy to finally have some time to spend with his two best friends – his family. He had even brought the boys some greasy diner food from a place down the road as an apology for being gone so long.

As he walked down the stairs and into the war room, he couldn't help but notice that the bunker was eerily silent. He couldn't hear the boys talking in the kitchen, or a distant thump of classic rock music coming from Dean's room, or even the clunk of a whiskey glass on a table or the sound of Sam's fingers flying over the keyboard on his laptop.

"Sam? Dean?" Cas called in the direction of the bedrooms. He knew the boys were there, the Impala was parked outside the bunker door. He was still unnerved, however.

Cas quickly made his way down the stairs and into the war room, glancing around just to make sure he hadn't missed anything. When he didn't see any trace of either of the Winchester boys, he made his way into the library, catching sight of something that made him scream – literally.

" _DEAN!"_

Dean was laying on his back on the library floor, in the midst of a pretty severe looking seizure. His eyes were rolled back in his head so Cas could only see the whites and he was practically foaming at the mouth and making a strange guttural choking noise, all while convulsing so hard that he was banging his head against the floor.

"SAM! _SAM! COME QUICK!"_ Cas screamed as loud as his throat would allow. He flung the bag of greasy burgers he had brought to the side and dropped to his knees next to Dean. His first thought, of course, was to simply heal him with his touch, so he poked Dean's forehead lightly, only to realize that his borrowed grace, the stuff that was practically killing him from the inside out, was not strong enough to heal Dean from something like this. Trying desperately to think of something to help his friend, Cas quickly rolled Dean onto his side so he wouldn't choke, and as soon as he did a large amount of vomit splashed across the library floor. Digging up every single thing he had ever read about seizures, which he was sure this was, from the back of his mind, Cas shrugged his trenchcoat off his shoulders and balled it up, sliding it under Dean's head so he wouldn't end up with a concussion from banging his head against the floor.

Just then, Sam ran into the library at full speed. "Cas…OH MY GOD!" Sam ran to where Cas was kneeling next to Dean just as the older hunter went still. Too still. "OhmygodohmygodohmygodOHMYGOD!" Sam yelled, standing and pacing with his hands in his hair. Cas could tell Sam was freaking out, and he was going to have to take control to save Dean.

"Sam! SAM!" Cas got Sam's attention while he felt Dean's throat for a pulse. He breathed a sigh when he felt a weak, thready pulse beat under his fingertips. "We have to get Dean to the hospital. Call someone!" Cas yelled.

"W-we can't bring EMTs down here, Cas. We'll have to get him into the Impala and drive him." Sam was clearly panicking, running his hands through his hair and letting tears drip from his eyes.

"Then let's GO!" Cas grabbed a hold of Dean's shoulders and directed Sam to grab his feet, and they heaved his up the stairs and out to the car as quickly as the could. When they got outside, Sam dropped his brother's feet and opened the back door, helping Cas slide Dean the rest of the way in. He was still panicking.

Cas slid into the back seat and rested Dean's head on his lap, making sure his face was turned to he wouldn't choke if he vomited again. He had left his coat in the bunker where he had placed it under Dean's head, so he was left in his rumpled black suit and loose blue tie. He screamed at Sam to "DRIVE, DAMN IT!" as he felt for Dean's pulse again. It was weaker than it had been before, though he opted not to give that particular bit of information to Sam, worried that his brother's weakening pulse would send the younger hunter over the edge and cause him to do something reckless. Damn it, if only he still had his wings so he could transport Dean to the hospital instantly.

As Sam floored it and made the tired screech on the dirt road under them, Dean started to shake. Cas started to worry that he was going to seize again before he remembered that one of the aftereffects of seizures is extreme cold. Cursing himself for leaving his coat in the bunker, Cas took of his suit jacket and draped it over his friend, leaving his in just his shirt and tie. He slowly rubbed up and down Dean's arms to work some heat into him, praying to Chuck to please, please help Dean survive.

Cas caught himself wishing that he had just said something _sooner,_ that he had just told the insufferable man laying on him that…but no. He didn't have the strength to think those things with Dean clinging to life so desperately. Even though the boys had died and come back to life countless times, Cas had a feeling that Dean wouldn't make it back from this one.

Cas bit back tears and continued rubbing Dean's arms, finally setting a hand on Dean's short hair and stroking his thumb across it and behind his ear. He hunched forward so his mouth was just above Dean's ear. "Please, don't leave me."

Just then, Sam whipped into the emergency room parking lot of the hospital about 20 miles from the bunker and hopped out. "WE NEED HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE! MY BROTHER, HE HAD A SEIZURE!" Nurses came streaming out of the emergency room as Sam opened the car door and Cas extracted himself out from under Dean's head. The nurses pushed them out of the way as they lifted Dean out of the car and onto the gurney they had brought, wheeling him through the automatic doors in a dead sprint.

Sam ran in after the nurses, only a few paces behind, desperate to make sure his older brother would be alright. Cas, on the other hand, couldn't bring himself to walk into the hospital and see them working on Dean. The thought of his strong, resilient best friend hooked up to a bunch of machines with a tub down his throat so he could breathe…Cas didn't think he could take even one look without breaking. And breaking down was the last thing he wanted to do in front of Sam, who needed him to be the strong one right now.

Cas slammed the back door of the Impala, which was still hanging open from when the nurses had grabbed Dean, and slide into the driver's seat. Sam hadn't exactly parked the car, he had barely put the car _in_ park before he had jumped out and screamed for help. He hadn't even managed to turn the car off. So, trying to distract himself from the thought of his best friend possibly dying in the next few minutes, Cas threw the idling car into drive and pulled around to find a parking spot.

He found one not far from the entrance, so he pulled in and put the car in park. After sitting for a minute with his head in his hands, Cas built up the courage to at least sit in the waiting room of the ER. He turned the Impala off and slipped the key into the pocket of his dress pants, opening the door and neatly sliding off the driver's seat and onto the pavement. He made his way quietly through the automatic doors of the ER entrance, not caring that he had left his suit jacket in the car and probably looked just as disheveled and traumatized as he felt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural, its plotlines, and its characters are all property of the CW and the show's writers. I probably wouldn't be worth only $7 and a bottle of pop if I was actually involved with the show, so it's really not worth the effort to sue me, even if I would love to actually meet Misha Collins.

….

I Need You

Chapter 2

….

It had been hours, and there was still no word from Sam, which most likely meant that the doctors hadn't said anything. Sam must have flashed a badge when he followed the nurses to get himself in with the doctors, because Cas had seen enough medical dramas on Netflix to know that Sam would have been booted into the waiting room before they had even made it to the operation room doors if he hadn't.

Cas had pulled out his phone as soon as he sat down in the waiting room to do research on seizures and what caused them. He was still really freaked out, so even though he wasn't really paying attention to what he was reading, doing something with his hands was helping him relax, if only slightly.

But it had been hours, and Cas was getting antsy. He was starting to get annoyed that Sam hadn't come out to the waiting room and told him what was going on. He was also ignoring the constant stream of texts the angel was sending him, though he could have been forced to shut his phone off if he was in an operating room or anything of that nature.

Just as Cas was about to stand and force his way in to see Dean, and man in a lab coat came through the doors dividing the waiting room from the rest of the emergency calling out a name.

"Cas? Cas Singer?" Cas remembered that Sam and Dean had started using the last name Singer in their fake IDs (not fake badges, but the ones they used for their bank account and car insurance and things like that) and stood.

"What's going on with Dean?" Cas demanded, striding up to the man and staring him down.

"Are you Cas Singer? Sam and Dean's third brother?" Cas felt a twinge in chest at the thought of Sam saying that Cas was their brother, even though it was probably just to make sure he could get information about Dean, since usually only family could receive medical information.

"Yes, now what's going on with Dean?" Cas snapped.

"He's awake and stable. You can see him now. Follow me." The man turned and strode toward the doors he had come through.

Cas hesitated for just a moment, nervous to see Dean so _vulnerable,_ before racing after the man.

As they walked past door after door on their way to Dean's room, the doctor started talking to Cas. "Cas is a funny sort of name, isn't it? Is it short for anything?"

"Yes." Cas was in no mood to make small talk with this man while his was so worried about Dean. The man may have said he was awake and stable, but he was still worried.

"What's it short for?"

Cas groaned. "Cast-Casey." He answered. He remembered Dean telling him one time that, to blend in with most humans, he really shouldn't go around telling people that his name was Castiel. Instead, if anyone asked what Cas was short for, he should say Casey, which was a common enough name that nobody would think anything of it.

"Nice name. My name is Tom." The man paused. "And here we are, Casey. Try not to increase his heartrate too much, or we'll have to remove you from the room, family or not." Tom walked away, leaving Cas to take a deep breath and walk into the room in front of him.

When he rounded the corner of the curtain to see Dean, he was surprised by how good he looked. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked more exhausted than Cas had ever seen him, but he was awake and breathing on his own, and he looked like he was in good spirits.

"Hey, Cas." Dean whispered hoarsely. Cas just then noticed that Sam was sitting in a chair pulled up next to Dean. He was slumped over with his head resting on the bed next to Dean's leg, snoring lightly.

Cas caught himself smiling slightly at Sam as he inched a little further into the room. There were no more chairs, so Cas resigned himself to standing on Dean's other side when Dean spoke up again.

"You can sit." He whispered.

"Where?" Cas was confused, was he supposed to move Sam so he could sit in the chair?

"Here." Dean shifted his legs closer to Sam's head with a grunt, making room for Cas to sit on the bed next to his hip.

"Dean, you don't have to –" Cas started to protest.

"C'mon, man." Dean patted the open spot on the bed, wincing.

"I don't need to sit, really." Cas argued.

"Cas, we're family. Please sit." Dean asked quietly.

Cas sighed and perched himself on the bed where Dean had made room for him. He cleared his throat. "So…are you alright?" Cas muttered. Dean almost couldn't hear the angel, but he just barely made out what he said.

"I'm okay, man, really." Dean reassured him.

"Do they know what happened?" Cas asked.

Dean sighed. "I was stupid, Cas. So stupid. I had been drinking, go figure. I was upset because of the outcome of the last case Sam and I worked. I was so drunk that I ended up tripping and slamming my bad knee into one of the chairs in the war room, and I could feel something in it tear, and it hurt like a motherfucker. The only thought in my head at that point was to somehow make the pain stop, at least until I was sober enough to drive myself to the hospital. So I did the only thing my drunk mind could think to do – I hobbled to the bathroom and downed a handful of prescription pain meds. Not enough to kill me by themselves, but mixed with the copious amounts of whiskey I'd been drinking…" Dean closed his eyes. "I was heading into the library to find the heating pad we keep in there when I blacked out." Now is was Cas's turn to close his eyes.

"Sam was in the basement looking through old files, and he wouldn't have been upstairs for a few more hours when I seized. If you hadn't shown up when you did, Cas…" Dean swallowed. "The doctors said I would have died if you hadn't found me when you did. Sam told me that he was freaking out, and you took control and took care of me and made sure to get me here." Dean paused again. Cas was so relieved that Dean was okay, but so mortified by his story, that he was fighting back tears. He closed his eyes. "Thank you, Cas. You saved my life." Dean reached out and grabbed Cas's hand, and the two sat there for a long moment, silently holding hands and thinking.

Then Cas said something rather unexpected. "I thought I was going to lose you for good." His voice shook a little, betraying the tears that were clogging his throat and clouding his vision.

"But you didn't." Dean replied, squeezing his hand.

"I was so scared, Dean." A tear slipped out of Cas's eye, which didn't go unnoticed my Dean.

Dean squeezed his hand again, unsure what to say. So they sat in silence again.

After a few minutes, Sam woke with a start, wiping at the drool that had collected at the corner of his mouth and stretching out his back. Cas slowly pulled his hand out of Dean's grasp before Sam noticed.

"Right, well, I'm not sleeping in that damn chair all night, so I'm heading back to the bunker to get some shut eye. You gonna be alright by yourself, Dean?" Sam asked, standing from the chair.

"They're not gonna let me out, are they?" Dean asked grumpily.

"They said they want to keep you overnight for observation, even though it should be an isolated incident. And I'm forbidding you from arguing or making a fuss over this. I'll be back in the morning to check you out and bring you back home. Okay?" Sam answered.

"Fine." Dean growled.

"Good. Cas, you coming?" Sam looked at the angel, who was still seated at the edge of Dean's hospital bed.

Cas hesitated. Before he could say anything though, Dean answered for him.

"He has to. They don't let visitors stay they night, do they?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that rule. It's been a long time since something serious enough to send us to the hospital has happened." Sam shuddered and leaned over the bed to give Dean a hug before heading out the door and toward the waiting room, not realizing that he didn't have the keys to the Impala, nor did he know where it was parked.

Cas mimicked Sam and bent over the bed, giving Dean a hug. "Thank you for not leaving me, Dean." Cas whispered almost imperceptibly.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Dean patted Cas on the back and pulled away. With one last smile, Cas turned and walked away, out of the building and into the parking lot, to find a confused Sam staring at the spot where he'd stopped the car earlier.

"I parked it, Sam." Sam turned at the sound of Cas's voice, and the angel tossed him the keys and headed toward where he parked the car, sliding into the passenger seat in silence. Even though his stolen grace was depleting and he needed sleep, he didn't think he would be able to rest tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural, its plotlines, and its characters are all property of the CW and the show's writers. I probably wouldn't be worth only $7 and a bottle of pop if I was actually involved with the show, so it's really not worth the effort to sue me, even if I would love to actually meet Misha Collins.

….

I Need You

Chapter 3

….

"Cas?" Sam knocked on the door of Cas's bedroom, hoping he was somewhat ready to leave and get Dean from the hospital.

"I'm fine, Sam." Cas's voice was muffled through the door.

"That's not what I was asking. Are you coming with me to get Dean from the hospital?" Sam called back.

There was a pause. "No, I don't think so. Thanks though, Sam."

Sam gave the door a confused look. He had been sure that Cas would want to ride with him to get Dean. "Are you sure you're okay, Cas?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Sam, just busy with some stuff I've been working on. Just go without me." Cas called back.

"Okay, suit yourself. We'll be back in a little bit, there's some paperwork I have to fill out before they'll release Dean to me." Sam left quickly, not wanting to get a tongue-lashing from Dean for being late to pick him up.

On the other side of the door, Cas didn't know what the hell was going on. His heart rate was skyrocketed and he was breathing heavily even though he technically didn't have to breathe at all. He had been pacing when Sam had come to the door, but now he huddled up against the headboard of his bed and drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and burying his head in between.

He was freaking out. He could tell this was some sort of anxiety reaction to the events of the day before, because every time he thought about finding Dean seizing on the floor his heart rate would pick back up. Time started to blur together, and Cas realized that at some point he had started shaking badly, despite the fact that he wasn't cold. And he was also crying, heavy tears streaming out of his eyes.

Cas sucked in a shaky breath and tried to calm himself down, but all he could think about was finding Dean on the floor of the library, choking on his own vomit, on the brink of a very permanent death. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there freaking out before the term for what was happening to him popped in his head: panic attack. He was having a goddamn panic attack. Thinking himself extremely pathetic for having such a human reaction to something so minor, _seriously, Dean didn't DIE,_ Cas thought to himself, he tried once again to calm himself down while only managing to make things worse.

After a few more panic-stricken minutes, Cas realized that he would have definitely passed out by now had he actually been human. The stolen grace that was harbored inside Cas's body was the only thing keeping him awake and alert, making him suffer longer than he should have had to. Go figure.

He didn't know how much longer he could sit like this. The thoughts flitting through his head were not kind ones, and he felt himself verging into even worse hysterics than he was already dealing with. If the boys saw him now…

Cas gasped and sucked in another breath, but it was doing him no good. He was trying everything to calm down. It felt like it had been days, and it had most certainly been at least an hour. He desperately needed to calm down before he really _did_ black out, because he definitely didn't want the Winchesters finding him passed out. Or worse, in the midst of an hour-long panic attack.

What Cas didn't realize that amidst his crying and gasping, he was also yelling out Dean's name. As soon as the eldest Winchester brother opened the bunker door, he heard Cas practically screaming his name from down the hall. Somewhat thankful that Sam had forgotten to pick up his prescription and had to head back in town so he could handle Cas by himself, Dean practically sprinted down the stairs and to Cas's bedroom door, thankful that Cas had had enough energy in the hospital the night before to at least heal his injured knee.

Dean yelled for Cas all the way down the hall, but it was clear that the angel couldn't hear him. Thinking that Cas was being attacked, and wondering why he didn't just smite the son of a bitch who was attacking him, Dean barged through Cas's door without knocking, and was caught off guard by an odd sight.

Cas was having a panic attack. He wasn't being attacked by a demon or an angel or anything else that could cause him physical harm. He was having a goddamn panic attack.

Barely pausing to think, Dean rushed over to Cas's bed and sat down, carefully taking ahold of Cas's shoulders. "Cas! _Cas!_ I'm here, man, it's okay." Dean yelled. With a sudden realization about what might have caused the panic attack, and why Cas was yelling his name on repeat, he continued a steady stream of comfort for his friend. "Cas, I'm okay. I survived, I'm back from the hospital and everything. You saved my life, Cas. _You_ did. I promise I'm okay, it's okay."

He heard Cas's breathing start to even out a bit. "Cas, can you hear me? Can you look up at me? Please?" Dean asked quietly.

Cas took a steadying breath and lifted his head off his knees, looking at Dean's chin so he wouldn't have to make eye contact. How pathetic of him. Dean just got back from the brink of death to find him having a fucking panic attack.

"I meant look me in the eyes. Please?" Dean asked again.

It was the softly spoken, sorrowful "please?" that made Cas do what he asked, lifting his head so he was staring into Dean's muddy green eyes.

"I'm okay, Cas, I promise." Dean whispered. He reached out a thumb and wiped at the tear tracks on the angel's face before carefully leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Cas's back. When he felt Cas hug him back, he reached a hand up and tangled it in his messy hair. Dean sighed. "Oh, Cas, I'm so sorry." He muttered.

"For what?" Cas sniffed. "You just came back from almost _dying,_ " Cas choked on the word "and I'm the one sitting here having a pitiful panic attack."

Dean sighed again. "I'm sorry you were the one to find me like that. I know you care about me a lot, you didn't deserve to find me like that."

"I don't just care about you a lot, Dean." Cas sat up out of the hug and wiped angrily at the tears still staining his face. "I love you. I _need_ you. And you almost…" Cas couldn't finish the sentence.

Dean reached up and brushed his hand against Cas's hair, stroking his thumb against the angel's temple. "I know, Cas. I love you too."

Cas widened his eyes in shock. He didn't know if Dean meant he loved him platonically or in another way, but he had never heard Dean say he loved _anyone,_ and now he was saying it to him, of all people.

Seeing Cas's widened eyes, Dean sighed and pulled Cas's head forward with the hand still on his head so that their foreheads were touching. Both men closed their eyes.

"I've always loved you, Cas. That's why I'm so hard on you all the time, and why I always get really angry when you don't show up for a while or answer our calls. I just can't bear the thought of losing you for good. I'm sorry I put you through that kind of fear yesterday." Dean brushed his hand over the back of Cas's head before letting it come to rest on the back of the angel's neck.

Cas took a few seconds to build up his nerve before opening his mouth to say what he really needed to say. He didn't think he could wait a second longer. "Dean, I think you should know…"

Dean shushed him mid-sentence. "I know, Cas. I always have." Dean leaned forward and softly pressed his lips onto Cas's chapped ones. He left them there for a moment before pulling back, leaving Cas a little dumbstruck. "And you should know that I feel the same way."

Cas gave Dean a timid smile before leaning forward and kissing the hunter again. The kiss wasn't heated, it wasn't going to end in anyone taking any clothes off. But it was passionate and full of more love than Cas had ever experienced. And that was all he wanted, or needed, right now.

….

When Sam got back to the bunker a little later, he was surprised to find that neither Dean or Cas were in the war room, library, or kitchen. Wondering if they were sulking in their rooms Sam decided he should probably check on Dean and make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. He was even more surprised to find Dean's bedroom door hanging open, empty of the man that Sam was looking for.

Slightly worried now, Sam fast-walked down the hall to Cas's room, wondering if the angel had seen or heard Dean walking around at all. Sam reached to knock on the door before realizing it was cracked open slightly. Sam pushed it open quietly and smiled at the sight before him.

Both men were asleep on Cas's bed, sheets bundled around them. Cas's head was resting on Dean's chest, where it was rising and falling slightly. Dean had his arm around Cas's shoulders, holding the angel protectively to his chest.

Sam quietly closed the door and walked away, still smiling. He couldn't help but think _it was about damn time…_


End file.
